I've been doing a lot of chauffeuring these last few weeks, taking my grandparents to doctors appointments, lunch, the drug store. I've spent ample amounts of time checking and double checking grandma's blood pressure ("It's not possible for it to be that high, right?" Yep. It's entirely possible.), sorting grandpa's rather impressive assortment of medications into his pill box and other fun things like that. And throughout most of it, I can safely say that I'm happy I'm able to help. With my mom away for business and my aunts and uncles living so far away, I'm happy to be able to be here for my family and to spend time with my grandparents. But I have to admit: I'm exhausted. If one more person tells me I look "really tired" or "kind of out of it" I'm probably going to smack them. It's true, I do look exhausted. But don't TELL me that... Ugh. Duhhh.
If I could wear a disclaimer around my neck, it would read a little something like this:
WARNING: Physical signs of exhaustion may be accompanied by extreme sleepiness, hideous bags under the eyes, difficulty smiling when walking from point A to point B, and a general lack of motivation to go to the gym. This is completely normal when caring for and worrying about the elderly people in your life. Carry on and have a nice day.
The truth is, it's really hard to be here to witness the very real decline in my grandparents' health. They will be turning 89 in June, but it wasn't until about six months ago that I actually realized my grandparents were getting OLD. Since then, between doctors appointments and touring assisted living communities and snuggling up to Grandpa on that old tattered couch watching CNN, I've really started to think about what this all means. It makes my heart hurt to accept the fact that my Grandpa's yesterdays outnumber his tomorrows. Driving them to the cafeteria or yelling into the phone because he can't hear worth anything, I don't dare complain because I don't know how many more of these moments I'm going to get.
How many more times are we going to get into a mock boxing match or snicker behind Grandma's back at something she says? A lot of the time, I just like to sit next to him and tell him stories that will make him laugh and chase his dog, Bob, around their living room like a maniac.
It has to be a very scary thing to realize your mind isn't as sharp as it used to be; To start forgetting things you've always known. And it's another scary thing to bear witness to it all without knowing how to make it stop. It's a full-time job keeping a watchful eye on them to make sure they're safe without worrying yourself into a fit and driving them to and from appointments while still feeling like a normal 24-year old with a life of her own. But I know that there is going to come a day when I'm not needed for these things anymore, and that is going to be when I want them the most.
Given the choice, I would choose to be here for this every single time. I guess this brand of tired is what comes with being an adult and realizing that the world isn't as sparkly and easy as you once believed. You realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do to slow down tomorrow. Time waits for no one. The people you love can begin to fade and there's nothing you can do but hold on as long as you possibly can.
If I could wear a disclaimer around my neck, it would read a little something like this:
WARNING: Physical signs of exhaustion may be accompanied by extreme sleepiness, hideous bags under the eyes, difficulty smiling when walking from point A to point B, and a general lack of motivation to go to the gym. This is completely normal when caring for and worrying about the elderly people in your life. Carry on and have a nice day.
How many more times are we going to get into a mock boxing match or snicker behind Grandma's back at something she says? A lot of the time, I just like to sit next to him and tell him stories that will make him laugh and chase his dog, Bob, around their living room like a maniac.
It has to be a very scary thing to realize your mind isn't as sharp as it used to be; To start forgetting things you've always known. And it's another scary thing to bear witness to it all without knowing how to make it stop. It's a full-time job keeping a watchful eye on them to make sure they're safe without worrying yourself into a fit and driving them to and from appointments while still feeling like a normal 24-year old with a life of her own. But I know that there is going to come a day when I'm not needed for these things anymore, and that is going to be when I want them the most.
Given the choice, I would choose to be here for this every single time. I guess this brand of tired is what comes with being an adult and realizing that the world isn't as sparkly and easy as you once believed. You realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do to slow down tomorrow. Time waits for no one. The people you love can begin to fade and there's nothing you can do but hold on as long as you possibly can.
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