It has been a hell of a week... and it's only Wednesday. But luckily I have reached a point where I don't burst into tears every time I think about Monday, I can concentrate on my work and I have a fully stocked wine rack to go home to each night. I think my mom has finally begun to grasp exactly what is happening to her. It could be a simple surgery and she'll not have to go through any more treatments. I'm pretty sure there isn't a person on the planet that isn't pulling for option A. Option B... could be a little bit more complicated than that. But as of today my mom has finally admitted that she is a little bit freaked out. Granted, it was in an email, but I figure words are words in times like this. I was feeling crazy and a little bit insensitive being so upset and nervous about all of this. I mean, if my mom was all "cancer picked the wrong body to mess with!" and "let's get this show on the road already," then was it really okay for me to tear up every time I was alone? Was it going to freak her out for me to actually be a little bit scared about all of this? But after a great phone conversation with Elaine last night, I realized that this is just how people deal. People can clam up or get really gung-ho or they can cry and want to throw something at the next person that walks by. But eventually, once the dust settles and you have time to think, it starts to occur to you that this is in fact happening. Surgery is real. And yes, you're going to kick cancer's ass but in the mean time the world isn't going to blame you if you stomp your feet in protest a time or two first.
I think it comes naturally for mothers to avoid situations in which someone else is caring for them. It's an instinct that I imagine only a mother can know. You are the protector of your family, the one who takes care of everyone else when they're sad or sick or in need of a gentle kick in the butt. In my mom's case, she is our rock. She's the glue that holds the rest of us together in a quirky, fun, forgetful, occasionally infuriating and always wonderful way. But lucky for her, this time she has the rest of us on her side. Sometimes I think we forget that it's okay to be taken care of every now and then. To let someone else hold you up a little bit does not mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you're incapable of doing it on your own. It does mean that somewhere along the way, the big guy upstairs set things up so that in times like this, you've got a life full of people who would do anything for you.
When my dad gave me a giant hug last Friday, he squeezed a little bit tighter than usual. And that's when I realized that he is just as freaked out as the rest of us. More than just for myself and my siblings, my heart ached for my dad because I'm not sure he would know which way was up if it weren't for my mom. She's his compass and his north star, all at the same time. It is a scary reality when you come to the realization that good health isn't always a guarantee... especially when you can't imagine anything less than forever the way my parents do with each other.
I will be the first to brag about the relationship my parents have. I have talked about this time and time again with my friends. We live in a world where more than half of couples end up in divorce, and somehow I was one of the lucky ones. I grew up in a house where I can really only remember my parents actually arguing with each other one time. I was in 8th grade and I was supposed to be asleep but instead ended up at the top of the stairs listening to my parents argue. I can't remember what it was about, and quite frankly it doesn't matter. But I do remember that for a split second I thought, "is this what divorced people do?" Answer: probably. But only in unhealthy doses. In MY house the only fights I remember my parents being involved in... ever... were with me. And they were always on the same side. Seriously, it was actually kind of annoying sometimes.
But now that I'm older, wiser, still single and always contemplating my dating-status in the world, I would just like to say HA! I may be picky, and that's my prerogative, but I have seen first hand what it's supposed to look like. And NO WAY am I going to settle for anything less. I mean, I have friends who are constantly commenting on how they hope they marry someone so that when they're 50, they're the kind of couple my parents are. MY parents. How cool is that? Other people besides just me actually notice how great they are together and actually hope to become like them when they grow up. I don't blame them. Because that's what it's supposed to be.
They're fun. They're in love. They're 51 years old and looking forward to what happens next.They love each other, not just in the way that some parents do because they've known each other for so long. I mean, they really love each other. In that whole my dad will go see movies with subtitles at the Keystone Arts Theater even though he hates reading ("What's the point of seeing a movie if you have to read the whole time?!") because those are the kind my mom likes - and he would rather sit through a stupid movie sitting next to her than not kind of way. Sometimes, if he's lucky, my mom will stay awake past 8:30 on a week day and have a glass of wine waiting for him when he gets home from work. They still dance to music (sometimes to pop songs--which is occasionally kind of weird), they travel the world, they team up on the three of us in some way shape or form and think it's funny when we roll our eyes.
Somehow in the midst of a world with way too much cynicism and brokenness, they are two people who refuse to look at it any way but positively. I have spent so much time in the last few years marveling at the amazing bond my parents share, and now more than ever I have actually stopped to think about just how incredible that is.
I think it comes naturally for mothers to avoid situations in which someone else is caring for them. It's an instinct that I imagine only a mother can know. You are the protector of your family, the one who takes care of everyone else when they're sad or sick or in need of a gentle kick in the butt. In my mom's case, she is our rock. She's the glue that holds the rest of us together in a quirky, fun, forgetful, occasionally infuriating and always wonderful way. But lucky for her, this time she has the rest of us on her side. Sometimes I think we forget that it's okay to be taken care of every now and then. To let someone else hold you up a little bit does not mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you're incapable of doing it on your own. It does mean that somewhere along the way, the big guy upstairs set things up so that in times like this, you've got a life full of people who would do anything for you.
When my dad gave me a giant hug last Friday, he squeezed a little bit tighter than usual. And that's when I realized that he is just as freaked out as the rest of us. More than just for myself and my siblings, my heart ached for my dad because I'm not sure he would know which way was up if it weren't for my mom. She's his compass and his north star, all at the same time. It is a scary reality when you come to the realization that good health isn't always a guarantee... especially when you can't imagine anything less than forever the way my parents do with each other.
I will be the first to brag about the relationship my parents have. I have talked about this time and time again with my friends. We live in a world where more than half of couples end up in divorce, and somehow I was one of the lucky ones. I grew up in a house where I can really only remember my parents actually arguing with each other one time. I was in 8th grade and I was supposed to be asleep but instead ended up at the top of the stairs listening to my parents argue. I can't remember what it was about, and quite frankly it doesn't matter. But I do remember that for a split second I thought, "is this what divorced people do?" Answer: probably. But only in unhealthy doses. In MY house the only fights I remember my parents being involved in... ever... were with me. And they were always on the same side. Seriously, it was actually kind of annoying sometimes.
But now that I'm older, wiser, still single and always contemplating my dating-status in the world, I would just like to say HA! I may be picky, and that's my prerogative, but I have seen first hand what it's supposed to look like. And NO WAY am I going to settle for anything less. I mean, I have friends who are constantly commenting on how they hope they marry someone so that when they're 50, they're the kind of couple my parents are. MY parents. How cool is that? Other people besides just me actually notice how great they are together and actually hope to become like them when they grow up. I don't blame them. Because that's what it's supposed to be.
They're fun. They're in love. They're 51 years old and looking forward to what happens next.They love each other, not just in the way that some parents do because they've known each other for so long. I mean, they really love each other. In that whole my dad will go see movies with subtitles at the Keystone Arts Theater even though he hates reading ("What's the point of seeing a movie if you have to read the whole time?!") because those are the kind my mom likes - and he would rather sit through a stupid movie sitting next to her than not kind of way. Sometimes, if he's lucky, my mom will stay awake past 8:30 on a week day and have a glass of wine waiting for him when he gets home from work. They still dance to music (sometimes to pop songs--which is occasionally kind of weird), they travel the world, they team up on the three of us in some way shape or form and think it's funny when we roll our eyes.
Somehow in the midst of a world with way too much cynicism and brokenness, they are two people who refuse to look at it any way but positively. I have spent so much time in the last few years marveling at the amazing bond my parents share, and now more than ever I have actually stopped to think about just how incredible that is.
jill, you are amazing! wait...i think i have said that before! You nailed it...wise beyond your year! i love you!
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