You guys... I'M THIRTY. I swear I was just 25 before I blinked. And yet here I am, the big 3-0.
I didn't write a birthday post for 29 ... It was what I like to call my "cusp birthday". Last year on my birthday, I was staying at an Extended Stay in Tampa, nursing a cold in a hotel room (that I swear had murdery-looking blood stains on the curtains) waiting for Grady to arrive from a business trip so we could try to figure out where to live. In a city where neither of us knew a single soul. Yes, I was excited. But also a little bit overwhelmed. I was staring a new start in the face, with no idea about what to expect. I was on the cusp of something I knew was going to be good and different and exciting, but I didn't have a clue what it was going to look like. I kept thinking I would come back around to writing that birthday post, once I'd had time to process everything that was happening and how I felt about it... and now a whole year has gone by. Whoops. (I'm sorry Barbara 😉)
Year 29 was a year of building. Of creating a new life in a new city. I don't think either of us knew what to expect, but looking back on it, it was a good year. I'd even go so far as to say it was a great year.
There were so many changes... obviously starting with our zip code and having Grady as my roommate. We were both so excited to finally be together in the same place. Before I moved, I was a little nervous about going from living in separate states to living under the same roof. Would we run out of things to talk about? Would he get too overwhelmed at my inability to NOT talk and decide this was a bad idea? Would our ideas of what a "clean house" be so different that it would drive an irreparable wedge between us?
I laugh about that now. Because the truth is... it's been better than I could have possibly imagined it would be. I was surprised to realize that Grady was actually more of a clean freak than me. And that instead of running out of things to talk about, we'd end up talking about so much more on a much deeper level once we weren't restricted by a homework schedule and FaceTime. The thing about moving to a new city where we knew no one but each other was that it forced us to depend on each other. It brought us so much closer than we were before, because we were all we had. We're human, so of course we had some growing pains, but much more than that, we've had FUN. It hasn't been an easy year for either of us by any means, but it has been good because we have been great. And I think that in moving through the challenges of this past year, it's been doable because I have Grady.
I'd be lying if I told you that moving halfway across the country to an unfamiliar place was easy. It wasn't. There's something about being alone in a new place that really challenges you. I spent a lot of time by myself, walking Norm through the streets near our house or exploring new parts of our neighborhood, while Grady worked long hours. I had periods of being homesick and really missing my friends. I missed being in a place that felt familiar to me, and that I in turn was familiar too. I missed going to the grocery store or out to dinner and wondering who I would run into. Here, in this place, I was just a stranger to everyone I passed. And it was an uncomfortable feeling to get used to.
I was also diagnosed with and started treatment for Lyme's disease, which, for lack of a better phrase has been a real pain in the ass. The good news is... the light at the end of the tunnel is there and that's all I am going to say about that. Grady and I decided to stop traveling for a minute to try to get to know our city, and I have to admit... it's pretty remarkable how many good things can happen when you stop rushing from one minute to the next. We discovered that we actually LOVE Tampa. It just was a matter of slowing down enough to give ourselves a chance to fit here. All of a sudden, in the last few weeks, I find myself starting to feel like Tampa is home.
I've been thinking about this blog post for a long time... months, to be exact. For whatever reason, birthdays always inspire me to be reflective, as most of you who read this blog already know. (Birthday posts are pretty much the only consistent thing I write about these days.) But this one feels different. This birthday is the closing of a decade of my life and the beginning of another. To some people, it's just another birthday. But to me, it's not. This year, even more than in years past, I find myself thinking... if this was my last birthday on earth, I had better make it count. You never know what's going to happen, you know? If this is the last year that I'm lucky enough to get, I want to be as grateful and aware as I possibly can be for the life I've had.
When I was 26, I wrote a letter to 16 year old me. It was a really tough year that year, and I learned a lot about myself and life and how I thought I fit into the mix. Now I'm 30, and in the months leading up to this monumental birthday, I've found myself wondering what that 16 year old girl would think of me now. Or 23 year old me. Or even the 26 year old me who wrote that letter. I can say with absolute certainty that she wouldn't believe that I live in Florida with a boy I'm not (yet 😏) engaged or married to. But I do think she'd be really proud to know that everything she went through... all the trying times and the doubting herself and wondering who she was going to be... was worth it.
I'm a little bit sad to be closing the book on the second decade of my life... They were great years. It makes me sad to know that there were so many people and moments woven into those years that will fade from my life and my memory as time continues to pass. It also makes me sad to realize that the older I get, the faster time seems to go. For the record: I know that's the not the case. The earth still rotates and revolves around the sun the same way it does every year. But still, the days and months and years seem to fly more than they did before.
My twenties were spent figuring out who I was, who I wasn't, and what I wanted from myself. They were about the friends I kept, the new ones I made, the people I dated and relationships with my family. They were about learning how to love deeper, how to understand and deal with loss. It was awkward. It was fun. At times it was sad. It was adventurous and it was monotonous. And it was worth it.
Now... I know who I am. I've found the person the makes my heart feel complete. I'm blessed as hell to have my family by my side and some truly wonderful friends to experience the coming years with.
It can get easy to let the days and the months slip past you without taking much notice. But I think taking a hard look at the years that have lead me to this place is important. I'm standing on the edge of what I believe will be some of the best years of my life - and I feel so overwhelmingly grateful for everything that brought me here.
It's crazy to think about everything that was packed into my 20's. When I was 20 years old, I was still at Miami of Ohio. That's where I met Wilma, who to this day still holds such a special place in my heart. It's there that I considered studying abroad for a full semester instead of just for the summer. That decision took me to Chicago, where I met some of the very best friends I still have to this day. My 20's also brought me back home to Indiana, where I was able to spend the final years of my Grandpa Marvin's life going to lunch on Sundays and sitting with him on his back porch.
I was able to develop my friendship with my parents and be there when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I learned a lot about love, and not just the romantic kind. I lost my first friend to cancer when I was 26 and I lost my grandpa that year too. I learned about heartbreak and how to stick up for myself, how to be bold and brave when faced with uncertainty. I met Grady, who has taught me so much about love, and is more wonderful than I ever imagined I'd deserve. All my friends started having babies and it was oddly humbling to see them become moms and to walk with them as they navigated a new normal. I learned a much needed lesson on forgiveness during my grandma Sophie's last days.
I got to stand up with my little sister in her wedding, which was one of my favorite days of my life. That's where I also got to witness my dad cry for the first time in almost 40 years and it was one of the most heartwarming things I think I'll ever see. I mean... I moved to FLORIDA for crying out loud.
And I wouldn't change a single bit of it. Not even the ordinary days. Or the really hard ones. Because it's brought me here. To this birthday. And to this coming year that I'm celebrating in a new city that I never thought I would call my home. As my mom and dad have said, each year gets better. So the way I see it, regardless of whatever comes my way in the coming 365 days and beyond, I'm going to be better for it.
So... what do I hope for this coming year? And in the coming decade? I'm not really sure. I'd like to get married and start a family. Maybe try to develop my creativity a bit and spend a lot of time with my parents and my siblings. Maybe take a few trips to see the world and drink some good wine. But mostly... I just hope to get a healthy mix of everything. Challenges and triumphs, incredible days and ones I'd rather forget. Because if I've learned anything in this life so far... it's that the journey really is more important than the destination. I'm going to miss my 20's, but I'm also super grateful for them because without those years, I don't think I'd be nearly this excited to see what this next decade brings.
So here's 30 you guys, thanks for being a part of it.
And I. Am. So. PUMPED!
I didn't write a birthday post for 29 ... It was what I like to call my "cusp birthday". Last year on my birthday, I was staying at an Extended Stay in Tampa, nursing a cold in a hotel room (that I swear had murdery-looking blood stains on the curtains) waiting for Grady to arrive from a business trip so we could try to figure out where to live. In a city where neither of us knew a single soul. Yes, I was excited. But also a little bit overwhelmed. I was staring a new start in the face, with no idea about what to expect. I was on the cusp of something I knew was going to be good and different and exciting, but I didn't have a clue what it was going to look like. I kept thinking I would come back around to writing that birthday post, once I'd had time to process everything that was happening and how I felt about it... and now a whole year has gone by. Whoops. (I'm sorry Barbara 😉)
Year 29 was a year of building. Of creating a new life in a new city. I don't think either of us knew what to expect, but looking back on it, it was a good year. I'd even go so far as to say it was a great year.
 |
| I always have to remind myself "You LIVE here now..." |
I laugh about that now. Because the truth is... it's been better than I could have possibly imagined it would be. I was surprised to realize that Grady was actually more of a clean freak than me. And that instead of running out of things to talk about, we'd end up talking about so much more on a much deeper level once we weren't restricted by a homework schedule and FaceTime. The thing about moving to a new city where we knew no one but each other was that it forced us to depend on each other. It brought us so much closer than we were before, because we were all we had. We're human, so of course we had some growing pains, but much more than that, we've had FUN. It hasn't been an easy year for either of us by any means, but it has been good because we have been great. And I think that in moving through the challenges of this past year, it's been doable because I have Grady.
I'd be lying if I told you that moving halfway across the country to an unfamiliar place was easy. It wasn't. There's something about being alone in a new place that really challenges you. I spent a lot of time by myself, walking Norm through the streets near our house or exploring new parts of our neighborhood, while Grady worked long hours. I had periods of being homesick and really missing my friends. I missed being in a place that felt familiar to me, and that I in turn was familiar too. I missed going to the grocery store or out to dinner and wondering who I would run into. Here, in this place, I was just a stranger to everyone I passed. And it was an uncomfortable feeling to get used to.
I was also diagnosed with and started treatment for Lyme's disease, which, for lack of a better phrase has been a real pain in the ass. The good news is... the light at the end of the tunnel is there and that's all I am going to say about that. Grady and I decided to stop traveling for a minute to try to get to know our city, and I have to admit... it's pretty remarkable how many good things can happen when you stop rushing from one minute to the next. We discovered that we actually LOVE Tampa. It just was a matter of slowing down enough to give ourselves a chance to fit here. All of a sudden, in the last few weeks, I find myself starting to feel like Tampa is home.
 |
| Thanks for the 30 roses, Mom & Dad! |
I'm a little bit sad to be closing the book on the second decade of my life... They were great years. It makes me sad to know that there were so many people and moments woven into those years that will fade from my life and my memory as time continues to pass. It also makes me sad to realize that the older I get, the faster time seems to go. For the record: I know that's the not the case. The earth still rotates and revolves around the sun the same way it does every year. But still, the days and months and years seem to fly more than they did before.
My twenties were spent figuring out who I was, who I wasn't, and what I wanted from myself. They were about the friends I kept, the new ones I made, the people I dated and relationships with my family. They were about learning how to love deeper, how to understand and deal with loss. It was awkward. It was fun. At times it was sad. It was adventurous and it was monotonous. And it was worth it.Now... I know who I am. I've found the person the makes my heart feel complete. I'm blessed as hell to have my family by my side and some truly wonderful friends to experience the coming years with.
It can get easy to let the days and the months slip past you without taking much notice. But I think taking a hard look at the years that have lead me to this place is important. I'm standing on the edge of what I believe will be some of the best years of my life - and I feel so overwhelmingly grateful for everything that brought me here.
It's crazy to think about everything that was packed into my 20's. When I was 20 years old, I was still at Miami of Ohio. That's where I met Wilma, who to this day still holds such a special place in my heart. It's there that I considered studying abroad for a full semester instead of just for the summer. That decision took me to Chicago, where I met some of the very best friends I still have to this day. My 20's also brought me back home to Indiana, where I was able to spend the final years of my Grandpa Marvin's life going to lunch on Sundays and sitting with him on his back porch. I was able to develop my friendship with my parents and be there when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I learned a lot about love, and not just the romantic kind. I lost my first friend to cancer when I was 26 and I lost my grandpa that year too. I learned about heartbreak and how to stick up for myself, how to be bold and brave when faced with uncertainty. I met Grady, who has taught me so much about love, and is more wonderful than I ever imagined I'd deserve. All my friends started having babies and it was oddly humbling to see them become moms and to walk with them as they navigated a new normal. I learned a much needed lesson on forgiveness during my grandma Sophie's last days.
I got to stand up with my little sister in her wedding, which was one of my favorite days of my life. That's where I also got to witness my dad cry for the first time in almost 40 years and it was one of the most heartwarming things I think I'll ever see. I mean... I moved to FLORIDA for crying out loud.And I wouldn't change a single bit of it. Not even the ordinary days. Or the really hard ones. Because it's brought me here. To this birthday. And to this coming year that I'm celebrating in a new city that I never thought I would call my home. As my mom and dad have said, each year gets better. So the way I see it, regardless of whatever comes my way in the coming 365 days and beyond, I'm going to be better for it.
So... what do I hope for this coming year? And in the coming decade? I'm not really sure. I'd like to get married and start a family. Maybe try to develop my creativity a bit and spend a lot of time with my parents and my siblings. Maybe take a few trips to see the world and drink some good wine. But mostly... I just hope to get a healthy mix of everything. Challenges and triumphs, incredible days and ones I'd rather forget. Because if I've learned anything in this life so far... it's that the journey really is more important than the destination. I'm going to miss my 20's, but I'm also super grateful for them because without those years, I don't think I'd be nearly this excited to see what this next decade brings.
So here's 30 you guys, thanks for being a part of it.
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